Adult changes

Now I wouldn’t really class myself as a adult…not that I’d class myself as a child either, but I just don’t think I’m responsible enough to be considered as an adult. However saying that since the start of 2017 I have noticed some changes in my behaviour. Mainly in the way I’m choosing to spend my money…

Full disclosure, I live with my parents, I’m still single and I have no children or dependants…other then my cat. But because of this I think part of me is going into some sort of safe mode, in an attempt to prepare for any kind of future I can hope to have. And because my mind is doing this, it means I currently desire to buy as much homeware as I can. You know for my future home which doesn’t current exist…nor do I have the funds to accumulate.

You might be thinking okay yeah but for a girl that’s normal, like who doesn’t like to buy nice smelling candles and fluffy throws and maybe the occasional decorative ornament. But oh no I’m talking about coffee tables, storage systems, vintage lights, heck maybe even a sofa bed. I just can’t control it right now. I see something and I think oh that might be nice in like a living room or a bedroom. Basically I’m being impulsive. It could be worse I guess, I could be just throwing money away…oh well at least I’ll be prepared if I do ever move out.

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My Biggest Fear πŸ˜±

Overall I try not to think of my fears. Partly because I’m trying to just live my life and partly because I don’t want to have a random panic attack by over thinking. But if I was to choose one thing I really fear. I honestly think it would be the fear of not being able to have children.

There’s two reasons why I fear this. The first one being infertility. From what I know there are no real problems of infertility in my family. But you never know do you. I mean what if contraception can have a lasting effect to some degree. They say that once you come off contraception, your fertility state will go to what it is meant to be…(Notice how they don’t say, to what it was before you started contraception, as if it will go to whatever fate chooses it to be). So I mean that’s a bit of a worry. But I’ve always seen the whole process of being pregnant and having your own baby as an amazing experience, hard I know…but I’d hate the thought of not being able to conceive.

The second reason I worry about this is because of my lack of partner. When people lay out their life plan they normally want to find a partner, be with them for a few years, get married, have time to themselves for a few more years and then think about having a baby…then if you want more than one, leave a couple of years before trying for another. I’m 23 (not that old I know, but) whenever I hear people talking about the problems that can occur in pregnancy as the person gets older, the age of that person seems to get younger and younger. I always thought the age problems started was 40…now people are saying they can start at 30. I know everyone’s different and it’s just a case that the chance of problems increase…it can still scare the shiz out of you. Especially when your already 23.

I know this is probably just me being a woman and over thinking it, but it is serious stuff. Especially when you know at some point you do want kids. Ok time to stop thinking about it before I freak out!

Foundation…

Now normally I love shopping. However one thing I actually hate to buy is… foundation. There’s just so many choices, all for different skins types, in a mass variety of shades and colours, and majority of them costing quite a bit to a girl who can only get part time jobs (not through choice).

Now I think a lot of guys reading this could believe there’s a simple solution to this problem. Just don’t buy it! But there’s so many reasons why we feel we must. For example to make ourselves feel better. I mean most days majority of women can’t just roll out of bed and look ‘hot as hell’. For some of us it takes a little bit more than that.

Anyway getting back into what I was talking about, the whole process of finding a brand new foundation after deciding you fancy a change from your ‘normal’ foundation is just all in all stressful. Yes you can do research before going to the shops, because after all the internet is packed full of blog reviews, vlog reviews and even just shop reviews. But that just isn’t enough! Reading a review online and having the product at hand are two completely different things. I mean I do the swab test (on the back of my hand) and sometimes even that’s not helpful. It’s as if the product changes from the time you put it on the back of your hand, go to purchase it, and then get it home! Before you know it that’s Β£9 you’ve wasted on a product you hate.

Am I the only on who has this thought process? Is there no solution to this nightmare….or am I just being a massive girl?

Ughhh! *exhales* Rant over!

What women want…

The simplest way to answer this is…truth be told most of us really don’t know. Or if we do…then we’ve probably over thought it and therefore now want too much.

A woman’s mind is always changing…mainly because we think way too much into things, and then by doing so we create other options to answer the question…even if we’ve already chosen something else. One day we will want one thing and the next day it will change. To be honest there is no real logic.

Now I know there’s already way too many jokes about this topic, and that it’s already been overly talked about including the repeated Gif of Ryan Gosling from the film ‘The Notebook’ (What do you want? God damn it, what do you want!). Fair enough that was originally about love, but girls do put way too much thought in the most simplest things…even where to go for lunch! It seems even worse when two girls get together. The simple question of lunch leads to a game of verbal tennis, where the term “I don’t know, you pick” gets thrown back and forth continuously until they reach the conclusion of the option given right at the start.

I’d like to say there’s an easy solution for all of this…but there isn’t. I could even attempt to make you believe that one day this wont be an issue anymore, as if it’s proven by scientific research that girls will evolve to enable them to stop doing this. But again sadly this isn’t something that will happen, you just have to learn to live with it. Either way though there are no winners. From a girl’s point of view you realise how annoying it can be, and can attempt to control in some way but never completely. Then from a guy’s point of view… there’s sadly nothing you can do but make sure the girl who’s having to make decisions around you is one you love very dearly, and therefore you can put up with the frustrations surrounding them. Otherwise for the guy there may be a long road of sadness and annoyance to come.

I think the only real piece of advice you can take from this blog is to never try to understand the way a woman’s mind for decision-making works! Your life is a lot easier and happier when you don’t concern yourself with the confusion, and like I said frustration that comes with all of this!

“You can’t get stuck on what should have happened. That doesn’t help you.” – Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie.

Future? What future?

Once upon a time I had a future in mind. One which the majority of girls and women have. Dreams of getting married, having babies, having my own family overall. However…this is something I personally no longer see. Now don’t get me wrong, yeah it’s still a nice idea in my mind…but it’s just a lost image at the minute.

I’m not sure why this is, it could be one of two things. When I fell in love for the first time (being young and stupid), that was in my mind because I thought love in general was the strongest emotion. Strong enough to last forever. That may have been true on my part but you never really know what the other person is thinking, and so it ended with the future plans lost and the realisation that the future I dreamt of was one-sided and also that I was very naΓ―ve to thinkΒ like that.

Another reason this could be though is just due to the fact I have also realised I have other plans for my life. Like plans to explore the world. And with that in mind…along with my age,Β the idea of the ‘picture perfectΒ future’ seems to get further and further away until it’s out of view. I mean for girls there’s always going to be a time limit for having healthy babies, and once you pass a certain age there are difficulties. So I guess in a way this is also a contributing factor.

I’m sure a lot of people go through life and experience the same difficulties (if I can even class it as that), as I am having. Don’t get me wrong I am completely happy with life right now even though some days don’t go to plan…but when someone asks me what my long-term plan/idea is or where I see myself in 5-10 years down the line. I honestly have no idea what the heck to say. Do I give the false answer of a lost future, or do I tell them honestly and in some way disappoint them. Whether this is a potential employer or even my grandma. It seems a lot of my posts tend to be about being lost in some ways, and I guess I am…but that’s what life’s about. Finding yourself and finding your way. At the moment I’m just going along with it the best I can, with a positive attitude hoping I’ll find my mindful future again. Happy Sunday!

“Time is not something you give back. The very next moment may be answer to your prayer. To deny that is to deny the most important part of the future.” – Mitch Albom, The Time Keeper.