How to know when to walk away…

Firstly I’ll start with a little note, that I originally wrote this 3 maybe even 4 years ago. I had a relationship that started off absolutely amazing. To be completely honest it was my first real relationship, and the first and possibly the only time I have ever been completely and utterly smitten in love to the point where it literally engulfed me. And even now some of the memories from this relationship are some of the best memories I have. I may also add that I am still friends with this person as some bonds you create in life, will never be broken…saying that during some relationships it gets to the point where everything changes and that’s really what I want to talk about. I was reminded of this note I wrote down all them years ago when I found out one of my close friends was going through the same things as I did. So basically this is about that and knowing when it really is time to walk away. (Ok what started off as a little note, became a long one as I realised I had more to say about it then I thought…now onto the actual blog post.)

In life, we have relationships. Relationships with family, friends and partners. No matter who that relationship is with, it will go in waves. There will be good times and bad times…But there’s a clear difference between them. With family, you can’t really walk away from them. Because no matter what they will always be there, that’s what family does. For friends, sure we can walk away from them but it’s hard, and most of the time the problems can be rectified and within a week you’re friends again. But the one that’s the hardest is the partner relationships. Especially if you’re the one that cares the most. Your going to get hurt eventually, over and over again depending on how long you stay in that relationship. So eventually there will come a point where you have to be strong and walk away, because it’s got to the point where they feel like poison to you.

The hardest bit about this point is the mental torment that goes around in your head during it. When times are bad it’ll feel like your heart is repeatedly being ripped out of your chest, blended and then shoved back in there which is excruciating. But in between all of this there will be moments that are so sweet…probably just how they used to be, which will give you so much hope. Hope that things will one day be the same again, because deep down you love them unconditionally…and that’s the breaking point. The vicious cycle. Where you really have to think are the bad times over weighing the good one’s now. Of course it will be difficult at first, in fact forget that, it’ll be difficult for as long as it takes. Heck it took me over a year even after we’d split up, but that was because I didn’t completely remove myself from the situation and we were clearly seeing things differently. For him it was harmless doing thing we used to as a couple, but for me it was verging on manipulation of feelings. But anyway in long run you will without a doubt be so much better off, and some extent so much stronger for getting through it. What you’ve got to remember is that you aren’t the first person to feel like this and sadly you won’t be the last…probably even people close to home have been through a similar thing. Stay strong.

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Ever changing seasons…

I love the ever changing seasons. Spring. Summer. Autumn. Winter. Every single one of them. Each unique in their own beautiful way. But when I think about it, there’s always one problem. When it’s Spring, I want it to be Summer. When it’s Summer, I want it to be Autumn. When it’s Autumn, I want it to be winter and so on and so forth. It’s a vicious circle. And it’s only when I realise this, that I begin to see I’m mindlessly wishing the seasons to come around faster and faster each year. Effectively wishing a lifetime away…rather than embracing the beauty of each season. In some ways though, that is really a trait that all humans share. The need for change, and the ache of never really being fully satisfied.

“Don’t waste the season of life your in now, just because you want the next one to come.”

Oblivious…

It seems to me that I’ve become a bit oblivious to the world around me lately. I walk around on auto pilot too much, which could be a result of being depressed over the years…or it could be because most of the time I’d prefer to be invisible and therefore I don’t take notice in the hope I don’t get noticed myself. As if over the years I’ve slowly  been backing myself out of society, excusing myself to be ignorant.

But by doing this it appears I’ve been also letting the wrong people in and shutting the best ones off to some extent. So this needs to stop. If anything this blog is basically a reminder to myself. To open your eyes! Don’t go through life without living, without knowing or taking notice. Have more interactions with people, even if it isn’t verbal. Because sometimes its the non verbal communications that can mean the most. Even show a spark between two people.

I feel like I have to remind myself a lot of this…but it’s the only way I know how to work it into my head. I think sometimes I just get lost in a sea of social media. I find myself scrolling through Facebook pointlessly for about an hour, before realising that times now gone. So I think I just need to take a step back from that a bit. Focus more on blogging and photography and just exploring and living really.

Ok. Good chat.

The Intern…

I first put this film on as a bit of a whim, as it had just been added to NowTV and I love a bit of Anne hathaway…and a bit of comedy, so I thought why not.

When it started I just thought it would really be a bit of background noise while I was doing other things, as it didn’t really capture me as much as I’d of liked. But once it got into it, I became more and more involved in the storyline.

It basically centres around a guy that’s retired, (without giving too much away) that finds life a bit boring. So he basically gets a job as a senior intern for a fashion company, not really sure as to what he’s doing but with tons of enthusiasm to learn pretty much anything and everything. Although the boss wasn’t entirely on board with this idea, he eventually works his way into the hearts of his colleagues and most importantly his boss…while tackling a few issues along the way (obviously).

Overall I really enjoyed the film. I found it had a refreshing storyline, mainly due to the usual roles being reversed. It really made a good watch, because let’s be honest the repeated storylines get a bit boring after a while. I don’t think I could fault this film really. The main casts were a great choice, and the roles were portrayed just the way they were intended.

I’d definitely recommend anyone to watch this if they like comedy films. Plus I mean who doesn’t like a bit of Robert De Niro…I actually think I have a new-found love for him now after watching this film…I might even look into other films he’s been in that I haven’t watched yet! We shall see…

The sad truth…

*There’s a lot of people in this world who choose to only go skin deep*

I don’t have a lot of friends, as sad as that may sound. The ones I do have, have lives and I get that. But when you step back and realise that no one really knows you…you’ve got to admit that’s a bit sad aha. On the outside I’m a happy character. Working with customers you seem to build up a wall, a character to some extent…after all who wants to buy anything from someone who looks like they don’t want to be there. But I’m so tired of it. I know I’m selfish to some extent, I’ll ask someone how they are and if they say they’re fine…I’ll probably just reply good. But it sucks. In this society it’s as if we’re all on auto pilot, when really it’s the people in this world that makes it worth living, if you just take time to pay attention.

“So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they’re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they’re chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.”

Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie

Three lessons to teach my children…

There’s a lot of lessons I’d like to teach my children, but I think if I can teach them these three thing I will have succeeded in some way in regards to parenthood.

1. Never judge a book by its cover.

2. Never let anyone make you feel bad for being who you are.

3. If you ever feel lost in life, don’t worry there’s always people around you, who love you who can point you in the right direction.

(And being polite while having manners goes without saying.)

“Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you – not because they are nice, but because you are.”

A reason why I love films…

One thing that becomes more and more clearer over the many years of watching films, is that films can unmask you. I’m not talking about the world knowing the truth about my life as batman… I’m talking more about emotions.

In my life so far I’d like to think I’ve covered majority, if not all of the girly RomComs out there. And let’s face it a RomCom doesn’t seem complete with a tear jerking moment in it, that reduces you to a blubbering mess in a matter of seconds. And that’s exactly the moment I’m talking about.

In a way because I love films so much I’d like to think there’s a lot of psychology behind the whole process, from the film you choose, to the ‘moment of impact’. Your emotions can make you do things subconsciously before you even realise what’s happening. So normally if i choose a lovey dovey film it’s either because I want to have the faith ‘the one’ is out there and is coming for me…or it’s because I’m having mental problems with people in my life…and by mental problems I normally mean me overthinking all of the wrong things.

But in a way that’s the beauty of these films. It can take your mind off the rest of the world, but at the same time also make you realise one of two things…either your a complete mess right now and you need to get your shit together. Or it can make everything seem so much clearer. Like you’ve just run into a brick wall with all the answers on.

Either way I have to admit I do enjoy both sides of it, sometimes everyone needs a little four hour cry to wake themselves up to push in the right direction…don’t they?