How to know when to walk away…

Firstly I’ll start with a little note, that I originally wrote this 3 maybe even 4 years ago. I had a relationship that started off absolutely amazing. To be completely honest it was my first real relationship, and the first and possibly the only time I have ever been completely and utterly smitten in love to the point where it literally engulfed me. And even now some of the memories from this relationship are some of the best memories I have. I may also add that I am still friends with this person as some bonds you create in life, will never be broken…saying that during some relationships it gets to the point where everything changes and that’s really what I want to talk about. I was reminded of this note I wrote down all them years ago when I found out one of my close friends was going through the same things as I did. So basically this is about that and knowing when it really is time to walk away. (Ok what started off as a little note, became a long one as I realised I had more to say about it then I thought…now onto the actual blog post.)

In life, we have relationships. Relationships with family, friends and partners. No matter who that relationship is with, it will go in waves. There will be good times and bad times…But there’s a clear difference between them. With family, you can’t really walk away from them. Because no matter what they will always be there, that’s what family does. For friends, sure we can walk away from them but it’s hard, and most of the time the problems can be rectified and within a week you’re friends again. But the one that’s the hardest is the partner relationships. Especially if you’re the one that cares the most. Your going to get hurt eventually, over and over again depending on how long you stay in that relationship. So eventually there will come a point where you have to be strong and walk away, because it’s got to the point where they feel like poison to you.

The hardest bit about this point is the mental torment that goes around in your head during it. When times are bad it’ll feel like your heart is repeatedly being ripped out of your chest, blended and then shoved back in there which is excruciating. But in between all of this there will be moments that are so sweet…probably just how they used to be, which will give you so much hope. Hope that things will one day be the same again, because deep down you love them unconditionally…and that’s the breaking point. The vicious cycle. Where you really have to think are the bad times over weighing the good one’s now. Of course it will be difficult at first, in fact forget that, it’ll be difficult for as long as it takes. Heck it took me over a year even after we’d split up, but that was because I didn’t completely remove myself from the situation and we were clearly seeing things differently. For him it was harmless doing thing we used to as a couple, but for me it was verging on manipulation of feelings. But anyway in long run you will without a doubt be so much better off, and some extent so much stronger for getting through it. What you’ve got to remember is that you aren’t the first person to feel like this and sadly you won’t be the last…probably even people close to home have been through a similar thing. Stay strong.

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Finding your way back…

Not to get philosophical but sometimes in life you lose your way on the dusty path of life. No matter what happens to get you there, in the end you always have to attempt to pick yourself up before you get suffocated by the world. In the beginning it will always seem impossible, but you just have to keep trying. In my experience there are a few things to bare in mind while trying to find your way back…

1. Don’t do it alone – In my opinion this is the most important. The easiest thing in your mind will be to block everyone out, but the easiest option is rarely the best option. You will always have people around you who will care about you. No matter how much you try to push them away the most loyal friends and family will be there for you especially when times are hard. So just speak your mind. A problem shared, is normally a problem halved and talking really helps. If you aren’t comfortable talking to a person then try a pet. After all, animals are the best listeners.

2. Do things that make you happy – Now this step doesn’t work for everyone. In some cases when people lose their way, they lose their way with everything. People, hobbies, everything they ever knew. The only thing you can do is try. Try and gain back the love and happiness you felt by doing certain things. So whether its a sport you used to be involved in, or just taking a simple stroll. Attempt to ease yourself back into it a bit at a time and maybe this will contribute to finding your way back.

3. Try exploring new things – this may be an alternative to number two or it may be an add on. When something serious happens to make you lose your way, you may find it best to leave the old you behind and take an opportunity to reinvent yourself. Even branch out to try something you’ve always wanted to, but always had an excuse not to. You should try. Maybe not all at once but be as open minded as possible, as you never know what can happen and surprise you.

4. A good diet – I  know this seems unnecessary but as people say if you look after your body, it will look after you. It has been proven by a few studies that eating more healthily can instantly put you in a better mood due to a increase in serotonin levels. This suggests that if you eat better foods it may give you more motivation to get back out there, and into the world a day at a time.  This may not be true for you…but you’ll never know unless you try. So if you stopped eating, start again. Or if your just eating junk food, stop and go get some real food which will probably also work out cheaper too.

5.Exercise – Now this is probably the last thing on your mind out of them all, but it could also be one of the most important. Although exercise may seem boring and tiring, after a while you will begin to see the benefits of it. Also the exercise you do doesn’t have to be strenuous. It could just be a bit of yoga for as little at 15 minutes a day. Anything really that will be useful to you. This won’t only keep you busy, but it can motivate you to do more and also help you get you fitter as you go along which is always a benefit.

The final thing I would suggest is to find a space of your own. This doesn’t mean move out of your family home or wherever your living. This could be a space anywhere, whether its big or small (it could even be a cupboard under the stairs). The main reason for having your own space is just so you have somewhere to go if the world begins to get too much again. Preferable it would be somewhere with a good view to put things into perspective, so maybe not under the stairs after all. Overall just remember there are a lot of problems in the world and a lot of people trying to fight them, but you really don’t have to do it alone.

“No life is a waste, the only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we’re alone.” – Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet In Heaven.