Adult changes

Now I wouldn’t really class myself as a adult…not that I’d class myself as a child either, but I just don’t think I’m responsible enough to be considered as an adult. However saying that since the start of 2017 I have noticed some changes in my behaviour. Mainly in the way I’m choosing to spend my money…

Full disclosure, I live with my parents, I’m still single and I have no children or dependants…other then my cat. But because of this I think part of me is going into some sort of safe mode, in an attempt to prepare for any kind of future I can hope to have. And because my mind is doing this, it means I currently desire to buy as much homeware as I can. You know for my future home which doesn’t current exist…nor do I have the funds to accumulate.

You might be thinking okay yeah but for a girl that’s normal, like who doesn’t like to buy nice smelling candles and fluffy throws and maybe the occasional decorative ornament. But oh no I’m talking about coffee tables, storage systems, vintage lights, heck maybe even a sofa bed. I just can’t control it right now. I see something and I think oh that might be nice in like a living room or a bedroom. Basically I’m being impulsive. It could be worse I guess, I could be just throwing money away…oh well at least I’ll be prepared if I do ever move out.

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Oopsie

As people, throughout our lives we will hit walls. Not physically but mentally. And I don’t know whether it’s due to getting older or having a lot of time on my hands by having no social life and no relationship…but with more time you notice a lot more. These are small things that generally go unseen to people with busy lives. But it’s one of them things that once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

Now I’ve been single for almost two years now (a long time yeah), and to be honest I don’t hate it. I’m by no means living my life how a single person should live their life, and I’m attempting to tackle that in my own way but that’s not really what this blog is about. This blog is really about sorting out and getting my life in order before that and probably doing a lot of venting to make myself feel better and put my mind at ease a bit.

The first thing I really want to rant about, is being sick of people’s shit. That doesn’t sound as bad as it is. Like yeah I get everyone has problems, heck I’m probably one of the best people to be considerate of that. But once you’ve been mugged off (yes I’ve been watching Geordie shore, so I’m picking up the lingo of a cool Newcastle kid) anyway, once you’ve been mugged off by one friend and someone points it out, it’s only then when you realise it and then in turn see how everyone else has in their own way followed suit.

I mean yeah I understand I’m not the best friend in the world, I cancel plans due to anxiety issues and I won’t always let on. But fuck me, not to toot my own horn but I remember details no one else will bother, I am one of the most loyal and considerate people you could ever meet. Given the chance I will open up as much as possible to anyone that has the time, and will listen and help in any way I can in return. But I’m getting to the point where I really don’t see the point. I don’t want to stop being the way I am because I think it’s a good thing. I mean I’ve already got close to the point where I don’t really see the point in letting any relationships come close to me. But when friends drop you, and start being short with you and ignoring you…what the hell is the actually point. People even do it without realising it.

I think this has been building up inside me for a while now and I’m just done. I don’t even know what else to say. Fuck it.

“Maybe it’s not life that sucks. Maybe it’s just the people you let in your life that suck.” – Unknown

 

#TwitterProblems

Ok let’s rewind a second. So…Twitter was created in 2006 (a long time ago right), however saying this…it wasn’t until 2012 it actually started to become extremely popular. Now we’ve just headed into 2016, and me a 22 year old woman, still doesn’t really understand it.

I mean of course I get the basic’s like how to post, how to follow people, retweet and favourite. BUT what I don’t understand is how I actually use it and only have 112 followers. But then on the other hand, there’s my sister who doesn’t post anything and has 851 followers…I mean how? How does that happen? I just don’t understand the logic behind how it works…anyway I’ll keep trying. Social media just confuses me sometimes…

The struggle…

I’ve written about this before, but Depression is something I’ve struggled with in the past. It effects many people all over the world, and most of us keep it hidden due to the stigma that is attached to it. For me depression is a weird one because it comes back out of the blue with no real warning, and no definite way to send it away again. I think I’m always going to struggle with it in one way or another and that’s just something I’ve grown to accept. What helps though is having people around to help and talk to about it. I know for some people it’s hard to understand but it’s a topic that’s very confusing and unless you’ve experienced it or even seen it first hand…you can’t really compare. Like I said though its different for everyone, but if you know someone with depression the only thing you can do is be there for them…that’s all.

A reason why I love films…

One thing that becomes more and more clearer over the many years of watching films, is that films can unmask you. I’m not talking about the world knowing the truth about my life as batman… I’m talking more about emotions.

In my life so far I’d like to think I’ve covered majority, if not all of the girly RomComs out there. And let’s face it a RomCom doesn’t seem complete with a tear jerking moment in it, that reduces you to a blubbering mess in a matter of seconds. And that’s exactly the moment I’m talking about.

In a way because I love films so much I’d like to think there’s a lot of psychology behind the whole process, from the film you choose, to the ‘moment of impact’. Your emotions can make you do things subconsciously before you even realise what’s happening. So normally if i choose a lovey dovey film it’s either because I want to have the faith ‘the one’ is out there and is coming for me…or it’s because I’m having mental problems with people in my life…and by mental problems I normally mean me overthinking all of the wrong things.

But in a way that’s the beauty of these films. It can take your mind off the rest of the world, but at the same time also make you realise one of two things…either your a complete mess right now and you need to get your shit together. Or it can make everything seem so much clearer. Like you’ve just run into a brick wall with all the answers on.

Either way I have to admit I do enjoy both sides of it, sometimes everyone needs a little four hour cry to wake themselves up to push in the right direction…don’t they?

Mitch Albom

At the start of this year I was trying to escape a rough patch. During this time I would find myself constantly shopping. The reason for this is not clear. As while I was going through this patch, the last thing I really wanted was to be around people. Which doesn’t make sense as shops are obviously always full of people. Unless of course I broke in at night…which is something I would never consider doing as I’d probably end up in jail, with no get out jail free card. [slight tangent…]

Anyway one of the shops I’d mostly find myself in (other than clothes shops) was book shops. Maybe this was so I could escape the noise of other shops for a while, and give myself a little break. Anyhow as I was looking on one of the “best books of the week” tables. I noticed the title ‘The First Five People You Meet In Heaven’ by Mitch Albom. Now for me personally I’ve never been religious. I was never christened or baptised, nor never attended church unless it was compulsory by my primary school. However I have always been open to the idea of a place we go to when we die, not necessarily heaven or hell but a place.

This has to be one of the best books I think I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading. It was so inspiring and uplifting. If anything it gave me guidance without meaning to. Since then I have been hooked on his books. I feel that each of Mitch Albom’s books teaches me something new. A new life lesson to support my own life journey. I personally think everyone could find something within Mitch Albom’s books. So therefore I recommend them to everyone. Everyone and anyone who stumbles across this post. Mitch Albom is a wise and inspirational writer and I think everyone could do with a bit of Mitch in their life.

“Maybe it was a grandparent, or a teacher, or a colleague. Someone older, patient and wise, who understood you when you were young and searching, helped you see the world as a more profound place, gave you sound advice to help you make your way through it.” – Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie.