Adult changes

Now I wouldn’t really class myself as a adult…not that I’d class myself as a child either, but I just don’t think I’m responsible enough to be considered as an adult. However saying that since the start of 2017 I have noticed some changes in my behaviour. Mainly in the way I’m choosing to spend my money…

Full disclosure, I live with my parents, I’m still single and I have no children or dependants…other then my cat. But because of this I think part of me is going into some sort of safe mode, in an attempt to prepare for any kind of future I can hope to have. And because my mind is doing this, it means I currently desire to buy as much homeware as I can. You know for my future home which doesn’t current exist…nor do I have the funds to accumulate.

You might be thinking okay yeah but for a girl that’s normal, like who doesn’t like to buy nice smelling candles and fluffy throws and maybe the occasional decorative ornament. But oh no I’m talking about coffee tables, storage systems, vintage lights, heck maybe even a sofa bed. I just can’t control it right now. I see something and I think oh that might be nice in like a living room or a bedroom. Basically I’m being impulsive. It could be worse I guess, I could be just throwing money away…oh well at least I’ll be prepared if I do ever move out.

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Oopsie

As people, throughout our lives we will hit walls. Not physically but mentally. And I don’t know whether it’s due to getting older or having a lot of time on my hands by having no social life and no relationship…but with more time you notice a lot more. These are small things that generally go unseen to people with busy lives. But it’s one of them things that once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

Now I’ve been single for almost two years now (a long time yeah), and to be honest I don’t hate it. I’m by no means living my life how a single person should live their life, and I’m attempting to tackle that in my own way but that’s not really what this blog is about. This blog is really about sorting out and getting my life in order before that and probably doing a lot of venting to make myself feel better and put my mind at ease a bit.

The first thing I really want to rant about, is being sick of people’s shit. That doesn’t sound as bad as it is. Like yeah I get everyone has problems, heck I’m probably one of the best people to be considerate of that. But once you’ve been mugged off (yes I’ve been watching Geordie shore, so I’m picking up the lingo of a cool Newcastle kid) anyway, once you’ve been mugged off by one friend and someone points it out, it’s only then when you realise it and then in turn see how everyone else has in their own way followed suit.

I mean yeah I understand I’m not the best friend in the world, I cancel plans due to anxiety issues and I won’t always let on. But fuck me, not to toot my own horn but I remember details no one else will bother, I am one of the most loyal and considerate people you could ever meet. Given the chance I will open up as much as possible to anyone that has the time, and will listen and help in any way I can in return. But I’m getting to the point where I really don’t see the point. I don’t want to stop being the way I am because I think it’s a good thing. I mean I’ve already got close to the point where I don’t really see the point in letting any relationships come close to me. But when friends drop you, and start being short with you and ignoring you…what the hell is the actually point. People even do it without realising it.

I think this has been building up inside me for a while now and I’m just done. I don’t even know what else to say. Fuck it.

“Maybe it’s not life that sucks. Maybe it’s just the people you let in your life that suck.” – Unknown

 

Wrapping Up 2016

So another year has come and gone and I was thinking about all the things that have been new to me in 2016.

Firstly this year has been the first time I’ve left the country four times…which I’m hoping to do again if not better next year. But its honestly been great! In the last few years my anxiety’s got the better of me while flying but I’m hoping the more I do of it, the better I’ll get.

Next up…sort of cheating because it which links to the first one but… I went to Amsterdam twice. It was somewhere I wanted to tick off my travelling list and it just so happened that the opportunity arose to go twice. I went with the first time with one of closest friends and the second time with a group of friends. Both very different experiences, but both equally amazing. I think I’d definitely go back.

This one isn’t a good thing really but 2016 was the first time I got food poisoning…and the best bit about it? I gave it to myself. Yup that’s right. I am a cooking genius apparently! Basically I’ve learnt that I should be very carefully with rice and salmon. Lets hope that was a first and last.

Back to a positive now, I rejoined a gym. This was and is a difficult one for me as I hate working out. The last time I went to the gym was during University and that lasted all of about a month. And when I say a month what I really mean is I had a membership for a month, and I actually stepped foot in the gym around about three times. This time round I’m actually going! I’m also starting to see some improvements…at least I was before the christmas holidays. Back to it tomorrow, let the pain commence!

Speaking of pain, onto tattoos. In July for my birthday I decided to treat myself (that’s right I bought myself presents) by having two tattoos done in one sitting. To be honest I was quite proud of myself. I had one done on my ankle and one on my ribs, and I thought they’d hurt more than they did. These weren’t my first tattoos, but everyone I’d spoken to said that the ribs was one of the worst places you could get a tattoo due to the pain. Psshhh whimps I say! Heck I might even do that from now one, rather than just having one done at a time.

Returning to the travelling side of the year, I also visited a few more places in England I hadn’t seen before. Last year I decided that I would try to see more of England because I thought it was stupid that there were all of these great cities within driving distance, that I’d never even been to. So I went to Liverpool and Manchester. I only stayed at each for one night but there’s still loads to see. I might even have to return this year.

Onto spending dollars. I’m sad to say that this year I started a very unhealthy addiction… which is spending money on shoes. I don’t know how it happened as I’ve never been madly interested in footwear, but I know it wasn’t my fault. On the one hand I’m learning more about footwear brands, which is good because I’m like a grandma when it comes to what’s in fashion. But on the other hand my bank account hates me for it…I can only hope it was a phase.

Onto the last one…because let’s be honest I’m rambling now. 2016 was my year of being completely single without dating. Now this wasn’t really planned, I just wasn’t that interested or put in any effort. I don’t regret it though. A whole year without hassle or drama. A whole year to only think about myself. Don’t get me wrong, sure having someone is nice. But this year to myself was great!

Anyway roll on 2017! 365 new days, 365 new chances!

My Biggest Fear πŸ˜±

Overall I try not to think of my fears. Partly because I’m trying to just live my life and partly because I don’t want to have a random panic attack by over thinking. But if I was to choose one thing I really fear. I honestly think it would be the fear of not being able to have children.

There’s two reasons why I fear this. The first one being infertility. From what I know there are no real problems of infertility in my family. But you never know do you. I mean what if contraception can have a lasting effect to some degree. They say that once you come off contraception, your fertility state will go to what it is meant to be…(Notice how they don’t say, to what it was before you started contraception, as if it will go to whatever fate chooses it to be). So I mean that’s a bit of a worry. But I’ve always seen the whole process of being pregnant and having your own baby as an amazing experience, hard I know…but I’d hate the thought of not being able to conceive.

The second reason I worry about this is because of my lack of partner. When people lay out their life plan they normally want to find a partner, be with them for a few years, get married, have time to themselves for a few more years and then think about having a baby…then if you want more than one, leave a couple of years before trying for another. I’m 23 (not that old I know, but) whenever I hear people talking about the problems that can occur in pregnancy as the person gets older, the age of that person seems to get younger and younger. I always thought the age problems started was 40…now people are saying they can start at 30. I know everyone’s different and it’s just a case that the chance of problems increase…it can still scare the shiz out of you. Especially when your already 23.

I know this is probably just me being a woman and over thinking it, but it is serious stuff. Especially when you know at some point you do want kids. Ok time to stop thinking about it before I freak out!

Starting the gym…again

I am without doubt one of the laziest people in the world. If I can do anything…you’ll either find me asleep or eating. I hate working out…or really anything to do with exercise. I mean I’m sure I’d like it if I stuck to it and starting to see the results, but it’s just getting into it and keeping the motivation. Anyway regardless of that I’ve bit the bullet and joined the gym. So this is the start of my fitness journey. If I can even call it that!

My aim is really just to tone up, although I would like to lose a little bit of weight it isn’t a must in my mind. But after being a single for a year, you can start to get pretty comfortable with the lazy lifestyle that goes with the ‘comfy’ body. And to be completely honest I’m not just comfortable…I’m in love with being lazy.

Anyway just so I can attempt to stick to it, I’ve decided to write a list of areas I want to improve on and goals for working on them.

So my main aims is to go to the gym three times a week, spread out so I don’t overwork myself or damage myself like the last time I attempted weights πŸ˜‚ (told you I suck at working out). The main areas I want to focus on are my abs, arms, thighs and my butt…so basically nearly everywhere on my body.

It’s do-able if I stick to it, I just hate waiting so long for results. I’m very impatient when working out which is probably the worst way to be in the gym. But I guess if I’m going to make a good attempt at toning my body up, I might as well do it now…after all I have a lotΒ of free time!

Wish me luck! πŸ’ͺ🏼

What’s changed?

So it feels like we’ve only just started  2016, and we’re already into June! JUNE!! What’s going on?? I swear the days go faster as you get older (yes I’m only 22)…anyway this blog is basically a catch up on what’s new and what’s changed with me since we hit 1/1/16.

Okay so let’s get the boring stuff out of the way. Health wise…I’ve put on weight πŸ‘ŽπŸΌ I’m drinking more water which is good. But I’m also eating a lot more. I get bored! When I’m bored I eat. Or that could just be a excuse…I do love food. Also sadly I don’t want to ‘work out’, I have no need, no desire. But thankfully I am trying to embrace my more flabby current body, as in reality this is probably the best it’s going to look during my life…unless I start going to the gym of course.

Next on the agenda is Education. I mentioned in a different blog that I’d done a photography course with Shaw academy. I really enjoyed this and went on to do two other courses, which were good…but now I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t see the point in doing anymore courses until I decide which direction I want to go in. I really need to make a choice about what I’m doing with my life, but right now I guess my minds on other things.

One thing I know I’m doing right is travelling. I’m trying to travel as much as I can this year while working alongside. When I’m here I just feel lost, as if I have no purpose. Everything just seems so mundane and boring. I seem to have twitchy feet as they say. I just need to get out and get moving as much as possible right now. It’s awkward in a sense…

The final thing to really cover in this is relationships I guess. I realised the other day that I’ve been single for just over a year now. In some ways it’s great, no one depending on me. Time to myself whenever I want etc etc. But at the same time I really need to get out there a bit. I feel like I’m becoming a social recluse which I hate! So I’ve started dating. Ahh it’s just confusing to be completely honest…but at least I’m trying. 😬

Get your own life first…

Something new I’m bringing to my blog is that on Sunday’s is I’m going to post a quote. Sometimes I’ll comment on the quote…other times I’ll just post a quote for people to ponder over. So to kick start this, and because it’s valentine’s Day…This quote is about relationships.

If you are not happy being single, you will never be happy in a relationship. Get your own life first, then share it.

I’ve spoken about this before, but it still is and always will be true. Too many people get into relationships just so they aren’t alone, and fair enough sometimes it can help. But a lot of the time that person just becomes too invested in the another person. So much so, that they lose themselves and become a shadow of what they used to be or even what they could be. They lose their potential a bit, the potential to be brilliant. In life we need time to ourselves, to explore and discover…so get your own life, then share it.