Problems With Society

Sometimes, if you take a step back from the world, you can start to notice the flaws we have as humans. One of the main flaws I’m noticing at the minute is that people just don’t take the time to talk to each other. The most basic thing humans can do, and we don’t do it. We’ve become a world of meaningless words. The things that people actually say, don’t really matter deep down. And the words that are left unsaid mean more than anyone shall ever know. People can see someone everyday and never really know what’s going on in their lives, even to the point where they spend everyday sleeping in the same bed.

There’s been a lot of loss in the world around me lately, and it makes me wonder whether just taking the time to talk about things that actually matter…could have prevented these outcomes to some extent. Of course not everything can be resolved from opening up to someone, but you never know. Technology is a big thing in our day and age, and it kind of works as a way to fill the gaps between human encounters, to the point where it can block them from actually happening all together. To be quite honest, it’s shit and even that is slightly sugar-coating it.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this post. I guess what I’m really trying to do is get whoever’s reading this to take time out of their day to really talk to someone who they’re close to or they care about, and try to get past the bullshit of the facade that they are trying to hide behind. Although not everyone likes to admit it or complain about it, they all have something going on behind the scenes…or if your on the flip side of it, just open up to someone about how your really feeling…who knows, you might actually get a positive outcome…

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A life without love…

There’s a phrase “A life without love, isn’t a life at all” and as silly as it may sound for a 24 year old to say, I firmly believe this right now. For someone who has been in love, and been completely infatuated with it, I can say that for me personally when your out of love and even as far away from the prospect of being in love as you can be…you get to the point where you can feel like you aren’t living. Not to sound too sad. Maybe a better way to put it, is not living life with 100%…does that make more sense?

I’m not saying I’m going to jump into any relationship just in the hope I find the thing we call love, I’m not that kind of person. If anything the truth is that I’m extremely reserved right now. It would be nice to open up to just one person again. To have one person that knows all your inner most thoughts. That’s not to say I’m closed off to everyone. To the people closest to me, they know a lot, maybe even some stuff that no one should know…but then if you looked deeper it could be seen as if palming them off with completely useless facts to throw them off the scent of what is really going on in my head or even life.

I’d like to think that I’m seen on the outside as a woman who is desired but can’t really be caught or tied down, like an unattainable woman of mystery. When in reality I am probably just seen as stuck up and rude or something else along them lines. The truth is I’m just waiting for something amazing to come along, or for the right one to work their way in…someone to take a chance on I guess (wow…sounding like a Disney princess right now). With all that said, I’m actually okay with not having that at the moment. The need for a relationship isn’t strong enough for me to just dive into the first thing I find. Not to mention realistically there’s other things I need to prioritise first.

This is just something I’ve been thinking about, and like I said not having someone to share your inner thoughts with sometimes sucks. I’ve even considered changing this blog into more of a diary when I don’t have much else to write about. After all what’s most important when writing a diary? Honesty. And that I can do.

Happy New Year…

2017 was a year for many things. For me personally, the things that stuck out the most were the new adventures I took, exploring new countries I’d never been to . The relationships that took new levels and turned into some of those that I value the most now. Acknowledging fears, like the fear of letting someone close to me again and it destroying me…again. Tackling issues like overcoming anxiety bit by bit and overall growing some lady balls. Relationships ending, saying goodbye to those who really didn’t mean anything deep down and in some cases just wanted to use you. And finally learning to just say fuck it sometimes and take a step back so things can sort themselves out.
Overall 2017 wasn’t a bad year for me, but I welcome the new year and the opportunities that will come with it.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

How to know when to walk away…

Firstly I’ll start with a little note, that I originally wrote this 3 maybe even 4 years ago. I had a relationship that started off absolutely amazing. To be completely honest it was my first real relationship, and the first and possibly the only time I have ever been completely and utterly smitten in love to the point where it literally engulfed me. And even now some of the memories from this relationship are some of the best memories I have. I may also add that I am still friends with this person as some bonds you create in life, will never be broken…saying that during some relationships it gets to the point where everything changes and that’s really what I want to talk about. I was reminded of this note I wrote down all them years ago when I found out one of my close friends was going through the same things as I did. So basically this is about that and knowing when it really is time to walk away. (Ok what started off as a little note, became a long one as I realised I had more to say about it then I thought…now onto the actual blog post.)

In life, we have relationships. Relationships with family, friends and partners. No matter who that relationship is with, it will go in waves. There will be good times and bad times…But there’s a clear difference between them. With family, you can’t really walk away from them. Because no matter what they will always be there, that’s what family does. For friends, sure we can walk away from them but it’s hard, and most of the time the problems can be rectified and within a week you’re friends again. But the one that’s the hardest is the partner relationships. Especially if you’re the one that cares the most. Your going to get hurt eventually, over and over again depending on how long you stay in that relationship. So eventually there will come a point where you have to be strong and walk away, because it’s got to the point where they feel like poison to you.

The hardest bit about this point is the mental torment that goes around in your head during it. When times are bad it’ll feel like your heart is repeatedly being ripped out of your chest, blended and then shoved back in there which is excruciating. But in between all of this there will be moments that are so sweet…probably just how they used to be, which will give you so much hope. Hope that things will one day be the same again, because deep down you love them unconditionally…and that’s the breaking point. The vicious cycle. Where you really have to think are the bad times over weighing the good one’s now. Of course it will be difficult at first, in fact forget that, it’ll be difficult for as long as it takes. Heck it took me over a year even after we’d split up, but that was because I didn’t completely remove myself from the situation and we were clearly seeing things differently. For him it was harmless doing thing we used to as a couple, but for me it was verging on manipulation of feelings. But anyway in long run you will without a doubt be so much better off, and some extent so much stronger for getting through it. What you’ve got to remember is that you aren’t the first person to feel like this and sadly you won’t be the last…probably even people close to home have been through a similar thing. Stay strong.

Ever changing seasons…

I love the ever changing seasons. Spring. Summer. Autumn. Winter. Every single one of them. Each unique in their own beautiful way. But when I think about it, there’s always one problem. When it’s Spring, I want it to be Summer. When it’s Summer, I want it to be Autumn. When it’s Autumn, I want it to be winter and so on and so forth. It’s a vicious circle. And it’s only when I realise this, that I begin to see I’m mindlessly wishing the seasons to come around faster and faster each year. Effectively wishing a lifetime away…rather than embracing the beauty of each season. In some ways though, that is really a trait that all humans share. The need for change, and the ache of never really being fully satisfied.

“Don’t waste the season of life your in now, just because you want the next one to come.”

Travelling Alone

This time last week I had arrived in Portugal, after travelling alone for the first time. Before setting off I was pretty worried. Worried about having a panic attack, as there were certain things that had triggered them off before while travelling. But after all that I ended up getting to Portugal and back with no panic attacks at all. To say the least I am so proud of myself. To be able to do all of that alone and not have any problems definitely made me feel good.

The one thing that really seemed to make a difference is that when travelling alone, more people began to strike up a conversation with me. It was so nice having people helpful and kind at every turn, even something so small as getting my bag and passing it to me really meant a lot. Then getting onto the plane I even got chatting to another first time solo female traveller, which again was really nice to know that I wasn’t alone in the situation. Even when I arrived into Portugal I noticed there was a difference, not just from staff like the driver to the hotel giving me advice on the best places to go, but even the locals just making chitchat.

As a planner I did a lot of research before setting off, like I would wherever I went even if I was with others. But I think this did help as it made me more prepared, especially in case anything went wrong. Maybe that just me being over-cautious, but I’d rather be extra prepared. Heck I’m that prepared sometimes that on the last night I even quickly totalled up all the cost for staying there a couple of extra days…I know how to find a deal!

Overall though I honestly had an amazing time travelling by myself and would recommend for anyone to at least try it once…I’m even considering booking another trip again soon. On the down side there’s no saying that next time I won’t have a panic attack, but at least for now I’m just proud I did it.

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Things Customers Do…

So I’m sure a lot of us, for at least even part of our lives has worked in customer service. And let’s be honest even though we may like our jobs…there are times when customers can be annoying as shizzle. So I decided to write a ‘short’ list of things customers do that really…make our day. Enjoy! (Just a side note these are thing’s that mainly happen in the catering side of customer service.)

1.  Customers explaining how to do something…we pretty much do everyday. Look I may look young, but surprisingly I know how to do my job so unless I really look like I’m struggling (in which case I’d ask a colleague and not customer) just keep notes or suggestions to yourself.

2. Customers walking past things and then waiting for us to get them for them. I mean let’s be honest you know, and I know you clocked the knives and forks before you went and sat down. So do us both a favour and maybe pick them up? Especially if we’re already running round like headless chickens.

3. People asking for ‘instant’ coffee. If you come into a cafe where we have a hella expensive coffee machine, and attempt to practice latte art…please just don’t ask for instant. If you really want instant coffee you can pick up a bag from a supermarket, for a cheaper price then what we would charge anyway. I mean to me it just doesn’t make sense.

4. People leaving a mess and not even attempting to clean up a bit. Maybe this is a bit tedious but if I went out with my children (not that I have any) and I ordered a cheese sandwich for my child to which they then decided to make it look like the cheese sandwich  turned into a volcano and erupted everywhere…I’d at least have the decency to try to clear it up a bit…or maybe even just say I’m really sorry my kid’s made quite a bit of mess under that table to one of the staff members. You know just out of respect.

5. Complaining to staff about pricing. Ughhhhhhhhhhh. Yes I know it’s expensive, yes I know back in the day you could get the same thing for about a third of the price, and yes you could go elsewhere and get it cheaper. But to be completely honest surprisingly I have literally NO CONTROL over the pricing. I am not the boss, heck I’m not even the manager. So please do not complain to me. If your that unhappy please create a time machine and travel backwards to when things weren’t so expensive, and while your there please get me an alcoholic beverage for £1. Thank you.

6. Snatching the drink so it spills right at the last second. Look I like making coffee, heck sometimes I’ll even do that little bit extra to make a cute ass leaf on top. Then I will carefully carry my pride and joy over to your table without spilling one little bit. So please do not then snatch the drink out of my hand, causing it to spill and turn my leaf into a mess. I don’t particularly appreciate it.

7. Letting your child scream bloody murder while you continue to chat to your friend at the top of your voice. Look I know mothering can be hard, and I know you’ve probably been up on your feet since 5am or maybe even majority of the night. But please, please, please, please, try to calm your child down. We have customers who complain to us, we can’t focus fully on work we’re trying to do and to be honest I don’t particularly think your kid’s having the time of its life either. I mean heck even if you asked a member of staff to attempt to help, I’m sure we’d try our best.

Now I know it sounds like I have a lot of negatives about working in this job but on the other hand you know we have nice regulars, coffee on tap, cake on discount and maybe even a cheeky bit of eye candy occasionally…so I guess it’s not all bad!