How to know when to walk away…

Firstly I’ll start with a little note, that I originally wrote this 3 maybe even 4 years ago. I had a relationship that started off absolutely amazing. To be completely honest it was my first real relationship, and the first and possibly the only time I have ever been completely and utterly smitten in love to the point where it literally engulfed me. And even now some of the memories from this relationship are some of the best memories I have. I may also add that I am still friends with this person as some bonds you create in life, will never be broken…saying that during some relationships it gets to the point where everything changes and that’s really what I want to talk about. I was reminded of this note I wrote down all them years ago when I found out one of my close friends was going through the same things as I did. So basically this is about that and knowing when it really is time to walk away. (Ok what started off as a little note, became a long one as I realised I had more to say about it then I thought…now onto the actual blog post.)

In life, we have relationships. Relationships with family, friends and partners. No matter who that relationship is with, it will go in waves. There will be good times and bad times…But there’s a clear difference between them. With family, you can’t really walk away from them. Because no matter what they will always be there, that’s what family does. For friends, sure we can walk away from them but it’s hard, and most of the time the problems can be rectified and within a week you’re friends again. But the one that’s the hardest is the partner relationships. Especially if you’re the one that cares the most. Your going to get hurt eventually, over and over again depending on how long you stay in that relationship. So eventually there will come a point where you have to be strong and walk away, because it’s got to the point where they feel like poison to you.

The hardest bit about this point is the mental torment that goes around in your head during it. When times are bad it’ll feel like your heart is repeatedly being ripped out of your chest, blended and then shoved back in there which is excruciating. But in between all of this there will be moments that are so sweet…probably just how they used to be, which will give you so much hope. Hope that things will one day be the same again, because deep down you love them unconditionally…and that’s the breaking point. The vicious cycle. Where you really have to think are the bad times over weighing the good one’s now. Of course it will be difficult at first, in fact forget that, it’ll be difficult for as long as it takes. Heck it took me over a year even after we’d split up, but that was because I didn’t completely remove myself from the situation and we were clearly seeing things differently. For him it was harmless doing thing we used to as a couple, but for me it was verging on manipulation of feelings. But anyway in long run you will without a doubt be so much better off, and some extent so much stronger for getting through it. What you’ve got to remember is that you aren’t the first person to feel like this and sadly you won’t be the last…probably even people close to home have been through a similar thing. Stay strong.

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Ever changing seasons…

I love the ever changing seasons. Spring. Summer. Autumn. Winter. Every single one of them. Each unique in their own beautiful way. But when I think about it, there’s always one problem. When it’s Spring, I want it to be Summer. When it’s Summer, I want it to be Autumn. When it’s Autumn, I want it to be winter and so on and so forth. It’s a vicious circle. And it’s only when I realise this, that I begin to see I’m mindlessly wishing the seasons to come around faster and faster each year. Effectively wishing a lifetime away…rather than embracing the beauty of each season. In some ways though, that is really a trait that all humans share. The need for change, and the ache of never really being fully satisfied.

“Don’t waste the season of life your in now, just because you want the next one to come.”

American Horror Story

American Horror Story without being too obvious, is an American Horror tv series which focuses on different story lines, each as sinister or creepy as the last. Just about everyone and their cat has seen at least one of the seasons if not them all…and of course everyone has an opinion on which was the best, which was the scariest, and which went just a bit too far.

Anyway this blog is basically my opinion on each of the seasons, in the order of which I found the best, to the least enjoyable…of course each to their own. Also I should add I didn’t really dislike any of them, each of them had interesting aspects in…just some kept me more entertained then others.

First up is of course Murder House. I mean where would this season even be if it didn’t start with the murder house! This season defiantly set the bar high. I guess the thing I really enjoyed about this season is you really didn’t know what was going to happen next…with most horror films or tv shows you can pretty much anticipate what would happen but with this I didn’t know what to expect next.

Next is Hotel. Now of course most people remember this season as Lady Gaga’s debut, but this season was so much more then that! I mean for a start off we had vampires, we had the devil’s night, and of course we had the 10 commandments killer. Again with this one AHS really knocked it out of the park with just the right amount of creepiness and craziness with a hint of factual information just to keep the viewer wanting more.

The next one on my list is My Roanoke Nightmare. This for me completely threw me off. I like history, and looking into parts of the past that people don’t really know about, so straight away I knew I’d like this storyline. But I would never have anticipated the way that this season would have been put together. With the past and present intermingling as one. For me personally I thought it was brilliant, although out of all of the seasons this one seems to be rated the least with viewers…each to their own.

Asylum follows closely after. After re-watching this one recently it was a tough call to make to not put this one up further the list. However with this one more than any of the others, I was left with questions. What did the aliens really want? Why was Kit the chosen one? What did they do with him when he disappeared? I just really wish I could have a second season of this one all by itself just to answer them questions…other than everything else in the show was pretty tied up and still as good as ever!

Second to last on my list is Coven. Don’t get me wrong, I did really enjoy this one as well. Witches ✔️, Sassiness ✔️, Voodoo ✔️, Stevie Nicks✔️.

Finally last on this list is Freakshow. For me I just didn’t really engage with this season at all. I don’t know what it was…maybe I was just distracted and need to re-watch it. I just didn’t feel like it was as interesting to me as the others had been. It almost felt like a sandwich without a filling…just not very enjoyable. Except for the fact that evan peters was in it, which of course is always a bonus.

I guess the thing with the American Horror Show series and which order you, yourself put them in is really just down to which creepy shit your into the most…or at least most interested to find out more about…so maybe this blog reveals a bit more about me then it really should. Anyway I’m excited to see what the next one ‘CULT’ brings!

Adult changes

Now I wouldn’t really class myself as a adult…not that I’d class myself as a child either, but I just don’t think I’m responsible enough to be considered as an adult. However saying that since the start of 2017 I have noticed some changes in my behaviour. Mainly in the way I’m choosing to spend my money…

Full disclosure, I live with my parents, I’m still single and I have no children or dependants…other then my cat. But because of this I think part of me is going into some sort of safe mode, in an attempt to prepare for any kind of future I can hope to have. And because my mind is doing this, it means I currently desire to buy as much homeware as I can. You know for my future home which doesn’t current exist…nor do I have the funds to accumulate.

You might be thinking okay yeah but for a girl that’s normal, like who doesn’t like to buy nice smelling candles and fluffy throws and maybe the occasional decorative ornament. But oh no I’m talking about coffee tables, storage systems, vintage lights, heck maybe even a sofa bed. I just can’t control it right now. I see something and I think oh that might be nice in like a living room or a bedroom. Basically I’m being impulsive. It could be worse I guess, I could be just throwing money away…oh well at least I’ll be prepared if I do ever move out.

Summer Goals!

Summer is here once again, and out of all the seasons July is my favourite…maybe because I was born in this month. So to kickstart it, I’ve made a list of my summer goals!

-Go out more! ~ I am slowing becoming more and more of a hermit crab and it really needs to stop, everyone says your 20’s are the years for living life to the full and to be honest…I’m wasting them.
– Drink more ~ For a normal 23 year old I don’t drink as half as much as I should…and for a single 23 year old It’s even worse…plus if your going to drink in any month it might swell be my birthday month!
– Take more chances (for example in love) ~ Ugh. That’s the only thing I can say. I just need to.
– Go on adventures ~ Walking, hiking, driving, flying, heck even some of my dreams could have more adventures.
– Try running again ~ I tried this a few weeks ago for the first time in years. It hurt a lot…but I just need to persevere.
– Finish my book ~ Due to my current obsession with Netflix it’s hard to make time for anything else…but I started a book so this month, I. Shall. Finish. It!
– Go to a spa ~ I still haven’t been to a spa yet and heck I deserve some pampering! So where better to do it?
– Be better with money ~ I have been in my overdraft for ages now, so I really need to sort my shit out…like pronto.
– Be reckless ~ I mean I feel like this is self explanatory after my other points…I mean you could even say this list is a bit reckless due to not making this 10 bullet points and only 9…😜

Music and Men

The other day I was in my car driving for about an hour with the radio on. On the radio the station was going though a variety of songs from the last few years, when the realisation hit that there was a number of songs that linked to my past. To be more precise they linked to men of my past.

You see memories are a funny thing. When they are created they can be linked to the silliest things like a certain scent or a location…but for me it seems to be music. I listen to music a lot. So when I listen to certain songs, sometimes the lyrics seem to fit the current situation perfectly and therefore the song then links to that person…or it could just be a case that the song was popular at that time and the radio played it constantly while I was around them. 

Anyway like songs, men come and go through life. I guess it just depends if they turn out to be a one hit wonder or a classic that never gets old. But no matter what, when a certain song from the past hits my ears, the memories will play over in my mind of my relationship with that person. In some ways it’s good, and in some ways its bad…but memories are memories. Sometimes it’s nice to look back at what once was…

I wonder if anyone reading this knows their song…heck I wonder what songs people would link to me!

“The past is a good place to visit, but certainly not a good place to stay.”

A night at the cinema…

I don’t know wether it’s due to my heart being a gentle soul or the fact that I’m a girl and we have a lot of hormones…or it could be just down to the genes I’m made up from. But for me going to the cinema or the theatre is a rollercoaster…when it comes to emotions at least.

Depending on what film or performance you go to see, you can experience love, passion, anger, fear, amusement, and of course sadness…all within the space of a couple of hours! When you think about it, all of them emotions you have just experienced is a bit like the emotions you could feel over a two year relationship…which in my opinion is pretty impressive to say the least. The ability to manipulate your feelings, to apply it to the current situations of the main character. Not to mention you could do it all over again the following day or even the following week. Learning a new story everytime, through observing other’s lives (well, acted out lives). Experiencing all of that through emotions, basically without the actual impact of drama of it all.

It’s all pretty incredible…but of course if we only ever lived through films and performances, then we’d never really allow ourselves the chance to actually live. Which you know, is what life is really about. Living, experiencing, feeling. Let’s be honest though…It’s perfect if you need an escape for a hour or two.