A life without love…

There’s a phrase “A life without love, isn’t a life at all” and as silly as it may sound for a 24 year old to say, I firmly believe this right now. For someone who has been in love, and been completely infatuated with it, I can say that for me personally when your out of love and even as far away from the prospect of being in love as you can be…you get to the point where you can feel like you aren’t living. Not to sound too sad. Maybe a better way to put it, is not living life with 100%…does that make more sense?

I’m not saying I’m going to jump into any relationship just in the hope I find the thing we call love, I’m not that kind of person. If anything the truth is that I’m extremely reserved right now. It would be nice to open up to just one person again. To have one person that knows all your inner most thoughts. That’s not to say I’m closed off to everyone. To the people closest to me, they know a lot, maybe even some stuff that no one should know…but then if you looked deeper it could be seen as if palming them off with completely useless facts to throw them off the scent of what is really going on in my head or even life.

I’d like to think that I’m seen on the outside as a woman who is desired but can’t really be caught or tied down, like an unattainable woman of mystery. When in reality I am probably just seen as stuck up and rude or something else along them lines. The truth is I’m just waiting for something amazing to come along, or for the right one to work their way in…someone to take a chance on I guess (wow…sounding like a Disney princess right now). With all that said, I’m actually okay with not having that at the moment. The need for a relationship isn’t strong enough for me to just dive into the first thing I find. Not to mention realistically there’s other things I need to prioritise first.

This is just something I’ve been thinking about, and like I said not having someone to share your inner thoughts with sometimes sucks. I’ve even considered changing this blog into more of a diary when I don’t have much else to write about. After all what’s most important when writing a diary? Honesty. And that I can do.

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Face Products of 2018…

I feel like I’ve said this before, but I am lazy when it comes to looking after my skin. Lord knows I didn’t do it any favours by eating a boatload of chocolate and drinking very little water in December…and throughout the start of this month. So to try to win it back over I have been using a few beauty products in the hope I can revive it. 

• The Tea Tree 3 in 1 Wash, Scrub, Mask (The Body Shop £8.50) 
I bought this back in November, when there was a 3 for 2 offer on at The Body Shop. I was first looking for a face mask, as I’d already picked up a exfoliator and a cleanser, but the fact that this wasn’t just a face mask was brilliant for me as like I’ve said I am lazy when it comes to this. So depending on how much time I have I’ll either wash my face with this, or instead I’ll put in on while I’m having a bath and effectively leave it on longer then I actually should. Either way it is now my go to, anything with Tea Tree is good for your skin anyway!

• T-zone Charcoal Black Peel Off Mask (Home Bargains…£1.99 possibly £0.99…either way it was a bargain 😏)
Following on with another face mask, for a while I couldn’t scroll through Facebook without seeing a video where someone had one of these on. Following the hype I decided to get one, but without splurging so I went to where everyone goes for a cracking deal…home bargains. It’s affordable and effectively does the job. Leave it on a little too long though and you will feel like your skin is being ripped off…does remove blackheads though!

• Soap & Glory: 3 in 1 Daily Vitamin C Facial Wash (Boots £8.00 or 3 for 2 if your feeling it 😉)
I feel like this is one of the products to just throw on your face whenever it needs a little pick me up (which at the minute is nearly every day). And as soon as you’ve done it, your skin is already feeling so much lighter and fresh. Hats off to soap and glory, they really know what they’re doing! Even the smell of it is incredible…not to mention I like my 3 in 1 products!

• Bioré Deep Pore Charcoal Cleanser (Superdrug £3.45 on special offer at the minute!)
Oh look another charcoal product, who’d have thought it. This is a cleanser for the days you need a little extra help, when you feel your skin is a little bit more clogged then usual…hence it being a ‘deep’ cleanser. It works into a nice foam and makes your face tingle while it works, just incase that’s important to you. Definitely a great product if you feel like your pores clog up easily.

• Sudocrem (Superdrug £2.49)
Ahh sudocrem, where would I be without you. I’ve used this so much in January, and in the early years of my life when I had eczema that I’m surprised I havent built up an immunity to it by now. It’s just an all round product. There’s nothing this can’t do…other then make me look good when I leave it sitting on my face…having big white dots on your face just isnt a good look for anyone. I will always be thankful of this product.

• Anew Vitale Day & Night Cream (Avon £14.00 each 😓 I know…I just wait for the special offers!)
I’ve actually been using these since about March 2017. It’s very on and off though, seen as I’m very forgetful when it comes to applying them…even if they’re right next to me I still forget. However on the weeks when I use these religiously I can tell a difference. According to Avon, the guideline age to start applying these is 25 (I started using them at 23) but I figure you can never start to early if you want to look good at 75 still. The only thing that hurts me about this is the price of them (I’m tight I know) but like I say I keep my eyes peeled for the deals!

So they’re the range of beauty products I’ve used on my face so far in 2018, the only thing I havent really found is a product for dark eye circles (not a necessity, but always a desired product) so if anyone has any suggestions for those please feel free to leave them in the comments. Thanks for reading!

Happy New Year…

2017 was a year for many things. For me personally, the things that stuck out the most were the new adventures I took, exploring new countries I’d never been to . The relationships that took new levels and turned into some of those that I value the most now. Acknowledging fears, like the fear of letting someone close to me again and it destroying me…again. Tackling issues like overcoming anxiety bit by bit and overall growing some lady balls. Relationships ending, saying goodbye to those who really didn’t mean anything deep down and in some cases just wanted to use you. And finally learning to just say fuck it sometimes and take a step back so things can sort themselves out.
Overall 2017 wasn’t a bad year for me, but I welcome the new year and the opportunities that will come with it.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

My Horror Halloween Picks!

With Halloween just around the corner and the nights getting colder, there’s only one thing to do in my mind on a relaxing evening…and that’s scaring the sh*t out of yourself, maybe even to the point where you can’t sleep for the rest of the evening. Soooo this is a list of my top 15 scary films to watch. Some of them are just scary, some are weird, some are unnerving, and some are just horrific…take your pick! 💁🏼

1. Insidious
2. The Unborn
3. Saw
4. The Woman in Black
5. The Amityville Horror
6. Silent Hill
7. Child’s Play
8. The Ring
9. The Decent
10. The Conjuring
11. The Grudge
12. The Exorcist
13. Pan’s Labyrinth
14. The Orphanage
15. Shaun of the Dead

Ok…so the last one isn’t that scary, but it’s a great film so I couldn’t leave it off! Anyway there’s the list, so have at it! I’m sure you’ll find something you like out of all them…or maybe not if you don’t like scary films…but at least you’ll have recommendations for your friends that do! 😉  The best bit is that Netflix this year have a great selection of horror films and thrillers so you’ll find a lot of these suggestions at your fingertips…if you have Netflix. Anyway go enjoy, and try not to wet yourself! 🙃

Velvet Teddy

So a couple of weeks ago…I bought my first ever mac lipstick. I know that seems unimportant to any guys that are currently reading this…but for the girls this could be a pretty big deal.

Now some of you may be thinking how the hell did I get to the ripe old age of 24 without buying a mac lipstick, especially when there are 13 year olds walking around wearing this stuff. The truth is, I’m a tight arse. I didn’t want to spend nearly £17 on a lipstick if  wasn’t sure on the colour or finish of it. So after scrolling through many Instagram posts and looking on the Mac website a million times, I finally decided to go for the nude Velvet Teddy which has a matte finish.

BEST. DECISION. EVER.

The application is smooth with a beautiful finish, it’s long lasting (which I’ve tried and tested while eating and drinking everything I could find) and the colour is basically my lip colour but better. This choice was definitely the best choice for my first purchase…the only reason why it wasn’t a good decision is because now I want to go and buy more, and right now my bank balance just won’t be happy with me.

The only other thing I have noticed about this lipstick, is that when looking on Instagram, twitter or even on YouTube videos…the colour of this lipstick looks completely different on everyone. It’s as if it’s some sort of chameleon lipstick. Other than that I’d recommend it to anyone…who wants to pay that much.

How to know when to walk away…

Firstly I’ll start with a little note, that I originally wrote this 3 maybe even 4 years ago. I had a relationship that started off absolutely amazing. To be completely honest it was my first real relationship, and the first and possibly the only time I have ever been completely and utterly smitten in love to the point where it literally engulfed me. And even now some of the memories from this relationship are some of the best memories I have. I may also add that I am still friends with this person as some bonds you create in life, will never be broken…saying that during some relationships it gets to the point where everything changes and that’s really what I want to talk about. I was reminded of this note I wrote down all them years ago when I found out one of my close friends was going through the same things as I did. So basically this is about that and knowing when it really is time to walk away. (Ok what started off as a little note, became a long one as I realised I had more to say about it then I thought…now onto the actual blog post.)

In life, we have relationships. Relationships with family, friends and partners. No matter who that relationship is with, it will go in waves. There will be good times and bad times…But there’s a clear difference between them. With family, you can’t really walk away from them. Because no matter what they will always be there, that’s what family does. For friends, sure we can walk away from them but it’s hard, and most of the time the problems can be rectified and within a week you’re friends again. But the one that’s the hardest is the partner relationships. Especially if you’re the one that cares the most. Your going to get hurt eventually, over and over again depending on how long you stay in that relationship. So eventually there will come a point where you have to be strong and walk away, because it’s got to the point where they feel like poison to you.

The hardest bit about this point is the mental torment that goes around in your head during it. When times are bad it’ll feel like your heart is repeatedly being ripped out of your chest, blended and then shoved back in there which is excruciating. But in between all of this there will be moments that are so sweet…probably just how they used to be, which will give you so much hope. Hope that things will one day be the same again, because deep down you love them unconditionally…and that’s the breaking point. The vicious cycle. Where you really have to think are the bad times over weighing the good one’s now. Of course it will be difficult at first, in fact forget that, it’ll be difficult for as long as it takes. Heck it took me over a year even after we’d split up, but that was because I didn’t completely remove myself from the situation and we were clearly seeing things differently. For him it was harmless doing thing we used to as a couple, but for me it was verging on manipulation of feelings. But anyway in long run you will without a doubt be so much better off, and some extent so much stronger for getting through it. What you’ve got to remember is that you aren’t the first person to feel like this and sadly you won’t be the last…probably even people close to home have been through a similar thing. Stay strong.

Ever changing seasons…

I love the ever changing seasons. Spring. Summer. Autumn. Winter. Every single one of them. Each unique in their own beautiful way. But when I think about it, there’s always one problem. When it’s Spring, I want it to be Summer. When it’s Summer, I want it to be Autumn. When it’s Autumn, I want it to be winter and so on and so forth. It’s a vicious circle. And it’s only when I realise this, that I begin to see I’m mindlessly wishing the seasons to come around faster and faster each year. Effectively wishing a lifetime away…rather than embracing the beauty of each season. In some ways though, that is really a trait that all humans share. The need for change, and the ache of never really being fully satisfied.

“Don’t waste the season of life your in now, just because you want the next one to come.”